好男不与女斗

其实我不放手
并未等于接受
独行共独断
是你自由
随时在候命
你间中敷衍我不足够
常为了工作是藉口
而其实是感觉已陈旧
不过不是时候
反正可占有
倦了
我会不会受够
难道退居幕后
亦是成就
任我怎风光
栽了在你的手
为何神奇从你手中偏化作腐朽
你会不会内疚
惟独是胜过没有
爱隔着鸿沟
心里这样难受
不过不跟你斗

Google translator says:

Actually, I do not let go. Did not amount to acceptance. You were arbitrarily going free. Readily available.You occasionally stringing me not enough. To work is often an excuse. And it is already feeling old. But not often. It may occupy. tired.I will not be enough. Is retreated behind the scenes. How is my success as a landscape plant in your hands. Why magic from your side into corrupt hands. You will not guilty. The only difference is better than no love across the divide. But not with your heart so hard struggle.

Week 13

2nd last week of uni today. Unfortunately cant relax, got to write 1500 words by tomorrow night, I meant to come home early today and start working but I got home and fell asleep for an hour. I'm on 500 words atm, and its just past mid night... Why must I be so last minute :(

Oh I also bought my last ever travelpass today! I only have 4 more days of uni and 20 days until my last exam!!!



Its iTunes Australia's 1st bday, so if you have an iTunes account, you can get the entire unabridged audio book of "The Power of One"! I've downloaded it all already but its 300megs. Its one of my favourite books. Well I havent read many fictional books...I had to read it for year 9

interpreting dreams..

Found this on a website..dreammoods.com

Torture

To dream that you are being tortured, indicates that you are feeling victimized or helpless in some relationship or situation. Alternatively, you may be exhibiting some sadomasochistic desires.

To dream that you are torturing others or see others being tortured, suggests that you are punishing yourself for your own negative or bad habits. You are projecting yourself onto the person or animal being tortured. Consider the symbolism of who is being tortured. Alternatively, the dream may indicate repressed feelings of revenge which you are not able to act on in your waking life.

sadomasochistic desires....?

Summer Holidays

This is what my holidays looks like at the moment, hopefully I'll stay safe, especially at London airport!! Things look pretty tight at the moment, I'll be starting work on 19/2/06.

EDIT: Might I also say, I hope I stay well fed spiritually while I'm away. I got really good news today when I realised that a few friends from Church will be in Beijing at the same time doing the same Mandarin course as me. Yay, Christian fellowship!

15 Years

Woah yesterday was the 15th anniversary of our family moving to Australia!

We arrived on 17th October, 1991.

homesick

No, I'm not talking about heaven.. although I wouldnt mind that
either. I'm looking forward to going back to HK in a little over 6
weeks time. I miss my room and my relatives and shopping..

Life is stressful, its not quite like the suffering in Job, but
assignments are getting me down. Only 10 more uni days left.

Assuming the Gospel

I just realised how easy it is to assume the gospel. Last night I thought, it'd be good to remind myself why I became a Christian, how great God's grace was. So I tried to find some passages which spoke particularly about that. I skimmed a few of the epistles and gospels, but I wasnt sure what I got out of them. Grace just seemed to me like a theological concept rather than something that meant something to me. I went to my bookshelf to try and find a book that talked about the gospel or something evangelistic. But all I found were books about ministry and theology. Concise Theology, According to Plan, commentaries, How to lead better Bible studies... etc etc. Not a single book about the basics of the gospel and how amazing it is. The closest thing I had was DB Knox's Everlasting God, a chapter on "God who is rich in mercy". It was about predestination. Right. Put me to sleep after 2 pages. (It wasnt that bad, it was just 3AM)

Its so easy to move beyond the gospel in the Christian life, to do everything else but continue to trust in the gospel. Its so easy to become a Christian and start reading books about theology and ministry skills and forget your personal relationship with God. Its so easy to think of Church as a place where you do your "Ministry", rather than being the gathering of Christians who meet to encourage and love and serve each other.

Tonight while I was praying, I suddenly remembered that the gospel was about the forgiveness of sins. The gospel is bigger than that in one sense, but for me, thats what the gospel meant for me, and I should never forget that I am forgiven through the message of the gospel.

Houseparty

Got back from Houseparty last night but had to study non-stop for my test today. I think I did ok, I'm glad I didnt give in to temptation and stay another night at HP.

Overall it was a really good conference but these things are always bitter sweet. I'm so use to the happiness of being with all these Christians who love one another, then having to go back home, that now even during the camp I already feel depressed. The talks were quite different from what I'm use to, and its hard to not be over critical when your not in a good mood. I guess I found it hard to get much out of them. But I really really enjoyed the fact that I got to meet older Christians who were heaps encouraging. I had a bad impression of elders but I talked to one who really helped me think about how to share the gospel with my family, and I just wanted to talk to him all day. I talked to two older Christians about problems of self esteem and depression and that was great as well. Got the chance to talk to people heaps; its so sad for me that other than during camps, I only feel like I am in Christian fellowship 2 days a week.

Another highlight was going to the seminar on Family.. yeah everyone who went would know why it was good and why it made lots of people cry. One thing they talked about was the 5 love languages; I remember reading it while I was still going out, thinking how I could apply it in my relationship. It never even crossed my mind to apply it to my parents, or that they should have loved me in any way. Love and parents seem like pretty distinct concepts. Its pretty sad to think about my own family but I know other people have it much worse. I guess the good thing is to know that there is hope for me because God loves me and I'm only partially (not fully) screwed up, and I can hopefully break the pattern if I ever get married and have kids.

Forty-four

44


is the number of days before I finish uni forever.

November 16 is the date of my final exam =)

Sitting in class..

My first philosophy lecture since Week 2.. its pretty interesting, but yeah I'd rather be at EU right now. The lecturer's talking about justification - not that kind of justification though..

Uni would be so fun without classes.. and exams

Things..

Things should be better now, but I'm not too sure. Seems like it might just be 2 steps forwards and 3 steps back sometimes. Especially now with the stress of uni growing, I just feel more despair and loneliness. I've had a lot of thoughts in my mind recently, and I guess I know they're not true and its a bit silly and maybe dangerous..

But if you're not important to anyone, then whats the point of living ?